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Email Jokes (got thro email)

I got this in my inbox as an email. You can copy and paste it and start the "chain" again, but I'm just gonna post it here. :*)
 
Whomever wrote the girl poem needs some serious anger management classes and some sick-help-classes. lol. :*p
 
Total Email Jokes - Seven
 
Please email me some jokes! You can never send me too many jokes! :-) I would apresheate them! Thanks! -Sara-

This was sent to me by a friend

and I'm sending it to friends!

Subject: FRIENDS


I've learned....
That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.




I've learned....
That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.




I've learned....
That money doesn't buy class.



I've learned! ....
That it's those small da ily happenings that make life so spectacular.




I've learned.
That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.




I've learned....
That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?


I've learned....
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.





I've learned.
That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.



I've learned....
That love, not time, heals all wounds.



I've learned....
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.


I've learned....
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.



I've learned....
That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.





I've learned....
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.


I've learned....
That life is to! ugh, but I'm tougher.





I've learned....
That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.





I've learned....
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.




I've learned....
That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.



I've learned....
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.




I've learned....That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.





I've learned....
That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.





I've learned.
That when your newly born child holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.




I've learned....
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.





I've learned ...
That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.





I've learned....
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.



To all of you... Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.

It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even if it means send! ing it back to the person who se nt it to you. If it comes back  to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.








HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!!!!!! 
 
Please make sure you forward this back to me.......you'll see why at 
the end!  Think about them one at a time BEFORE going on to the next
one.........IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD specially the thought at the 
end.

1. Falling in love. 

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts. 

3. A hot shower. 

4. No lines at the supermarket 

5. A special glance. 

6. Getting mail 

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road. 

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. 

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. 

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer. 

11. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price. 

12. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or strawberry) 

13. A long distance phone call. 

14. A bubble bath. 

15. Giggling. 

16. A good conversation. 

17 The beach 

18. Finding a 20 note in your coat from last winter. 

19. Laughing at yourself. 

20. Midnight phone calls that last for hours. 

21. Running through sprinklers. 

22. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. 

23. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful. 

24. Laughing at an inside joke. 

25. Friends. 

26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you. 

27. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. 

28. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner). 

29. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. 

30. Playing with a new puppy. 

31. Having someone play with your hair. 

32. Sweet dreams. 

33. Hot chocolate. 

34. Road trips with friends. 

35. Swinging on swings. 

36. Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and
drinking your favorite tipple. 

37. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along 
without feeling stupid. 

38. Going to a really good concert. 

39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger 

40. Winning a really competitive game. 

41. Making chocolate chip cookies. 

42. Having your friends send you homemade cookies. 

43. Spending time with close friends. 

44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends. 

45. Holding hands with someone you care about. 

46. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or 
bad)never change 

47. Riding the best roller coasters over and over. 

48. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much 
desired present from you. 

49. Watching the sunrise. 

50. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another
beautiful day. 

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have 
trouble remembering how to fly.

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.


On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked. "Oh Yeah" said the son. "So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

With this the boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are."


Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don't have. What is one person's worthless object is another's prize possession. It is all based on one's perspective. Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for all the bounty we have, instead of worrying about wanting more. Take joy in all you have, especially your friends. Pass this message on.

 

 

 

My Fourteen Favorite Girls!!
Firstly, I want all of you to know that I love u to death
its hard for me to only pick 14 gals to send this to, so consider yourself
lucky ... or is it not lucky?
If I dont get this back I understand
I have a game for you.
This game has been played since 1977.
Once you read this letter,
you must send it to 14 females
within five days.
On the fifth day,
HE (the male of your choice)
will either ask you out,
or say "I love you."
Please send this to 14 females.
It has worked for years.
Good luck!
NOW MAKE A WISH ON YOUR GUY!
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~Wish~~~
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~Wish~~~
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~Wish~~~
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~Wish~~~
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~Wish~~~
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~Wish~~~
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~Wish~~~
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~Wish~~~
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~Wish~~~
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~Wish~~~
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~Wish~~~
*. * ((¨¨`°v°´¨¨))  *.·*.·¸
*? * ((_.^._)) *?*-;-*`·
~~~OK NOW STOP! ~~~
Now send this to 14 females!     
******************************

(Man I really hope I get this back if I sent it to u cuz if u dont send it back then YOU are NOT my homegirl anymore...!!!! but i love ya'll to death!!!...bye) 

~~Special Thanks~~
 
Tiara L - Thanks for the "poor" joke! It's not exactly a joke, but it's got a good meaning. :o)
 
Karina F - Thanks for the "poor" joke! It's not exactly a joke, but it's got a good meaning. :o)
 
Sara O - Thanks for sending me the Fellowship of the Ring site joke! Hehe, that was awesome! :o)
 
Please keep in mind that these are thanks to the people that sent me the jokes.  So far, none of them were the creators of the jokes.  If you are the creator and wish to be given recognision for your work or would like to have your work off the site, please email us.  Thank you.
 
((IF YOU ARE THE CREATER, YOU MUST HAVE PROOF OR YOU WILL NOT BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! AND ONLY BE QUALIFIED AS A LIAR TRYING TO GET WORD IN FOR WORK YOU DID NOT DO))

A poem for us girls....
I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.

Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.

I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.

My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
to others when I'm wrong.

I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost.
I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
to remember the score.

I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.

Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!

Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest????

I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.

DON'T call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.
Get it?, you DICK!?!

~~A Prayr To Die~~

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep...not screaming, like the passengers in his car.