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~~15 Ways to be Annoying ~~
1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will
take until your free refills cost money.
2) If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call.
3) Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell
your neighbors that you're a ''spider person.''
4) When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: ''Don't let
him in! He's the killer!''
5. When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it.
6) When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: ''I hope I fixed it this
time.''
7) Beep when a large person backs up.
8) Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the
''little men.''
9) Insist on making inanimate objects ''dance''
10) Occasionally talk into your hand in public.
11) Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask
if anyone knows how to disarm a in less than 19 seconds.
12) When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw desperately
at the roof of the car.
13) Insist that someone accompany you to the public rest room because of Henry, the toilet monster.
14) While carpooling, make swervy turns while imitating crash noises.
15) Insist that life is ''one big musical,'' then try to prove your
theory by randomly breaking out into song in public.
~~40 Things Never Said By Southerners~~
40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.
~~25 Fun Pool Activities ~~
1. Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
2. Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today.
3. Ask people if they have seen your pet shark. 4. Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys. 5. Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
6. Hit strangers with your flutter board.
7. Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
8. Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
9. Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
10. Swim near someone and go ''Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here.''
11. Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
12. Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''
13. Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving board.
14. Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.
15. Tell people you saw the lifeguard peeing in the pool.
16. Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
17. Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
18. Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
19. When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount.
20. Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say ''Wheee! I'm Batman!'' while running around.
21. Hit strangers with your wet towel.
22. Throw people's things into the pool.
23. Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grand-finale.
24. Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
25. Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.
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